What Does Your Armor Look Like?
- Hemla Makan-Dullabh
- Jun 12, 2017
- 3 min read
When I was in my twenties I began writing poetry, mostly about my own facades and the armor I would use to protect my heart and face the world. What I didn’t realize then was that most people have some sort of armor that allows them to show up in different places and situations to deal with whatever is going on in their lives.
Some of us might use our armor and appear cold and aloof but what we might be seeking is warmth and connection. Its our way of protecting ourselves in case other people hurts us.
Or we might come across as being abrasive or curt but really it might be that we are afraid to be our soft selves in case someone takes advantage of our gentle nature. This armor we protect ourselves with probably came from some other traumatic experience that taught us to protect ourselves.
Recently I was reading Brene Brown’s book “The gifts of Imperfections” and I felt inspired to write again after a long hiatus.
I felt compelled to share a poem that I wrote with a few friends and even though it felt very vulnerable to do so I knew I had to be brave and share it, I had no idea why I needed to share it!
My friends and a few of my clients were speaking about similar feelings during that time and it felt right to share it.
They all reacted with similar comments: “you are talking about me and you have to share this with others because someone else may need this too!”
So, I decided that maybe it would be good to share it because it might resonate with you too.
Underneath the thin gauzy veils of shimmering perfection is my imperfect and sacred being.
She sometimes shines through the veneer of wanting to be perfect for me to see her essence. Full of beautiful flaws all important for her growth and compassion.
My imperfections of being in my ego to paint a picture of composure for my survival. My armor protecting a soft fragile heart filled with tenderness and love.
The thin gauzy veil so fragile in itself, it can tear and expose that delicate core of me.
The me that feels afraid to poke her head out because she is afraid of exposing too much of herself.
Her fear of being judged, of being considered imperfect, of being seen as flawed.
Yet,
I know that those beautiful flaws,
Each and everyone of them mould me into my Being.
The veil of perfection is to hide my imperfections of feeling afraid and not always knowing all the answers or right steps for me.
The veil of sadness and grief to stop myself from feeling complete happiness. Why can I not allow myself to be completely happy and joyful ?
The veil of numbing my emotions, so I don’t need to feel their intensity as much means that I am not Being.
My challenge,
Is to be without letting my veil of numbing get thick and opaque obscuring my vision of who I am and how I want to be in the world.
My challenge,
Is to be with all my veils only to have them offer me growth and insight.
My challenge,
Is to keep them gossamer thin so that they no longer mask who I am.
Maybe this poem inspires you to ask yourself some poignant questions;
How does it make me feel when I read this?
Do I want to address these challenges?
Am I ready for them?
What do my veils look like?
Maybe some questions I have not even thought to list here, either way I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it, until next time.
Warmly
Hemla
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